There’s no denying it: breakups are painful, even when they’re handled with care. They have the power to rock you to your core, making you doubt your self-assurance as well as your faith in love itself. You’re dealing with the very real ache of rejection on top of mourning a lost love if you’ve been dumped. When you’re the one who made the decision to end things, guilt is often mixed in with your misery. A split is an ending, even in the most amicable, mutual situations, and we’re encouraged to feel that an ending is a failure in a culture that prioritises “forever” as a relationship ideal.
We have the finest intentions for what’s to come when we’re in love, but life happens. Having to say goodbye to someone is a difficult but important aspect of life. Just so you know, the perfect moment to rebrand yourself is while you’re going through a breakup. Without having to consider anyone except yourself, you can be whatever you want to be, do whatever you want to do, and attempt anything you want to try. Sure, you have every right to be inconsolable in those first few harrowing days and weeks. However, with patience, you will be able to progress. Here are 7 ideas to help you feel better right away.
Allow yourself time to grieve.
Your feelings are real, regardless of the circumstances of your breakup, and processing them is a journey in and of itself. When you break up with someone, you’re giving up a significant portion of your life. They are a companion, a lover, a confidante, and possibly a roommate. They’ve most likely been a regular part of your life for a long time, and you should lament their loss as if it were a death. It’s fine to be sad one day, mad the next, in denial the next, and then sad again the following. However, if you want to move forward in your life, letting all of those sentiments out can be useful.
Don’t Stay Friends With Your Ex.
Perhaps the two of you agreed to remain friends, as many people do. Keeping the connection helps keep things cordial and makes the shiftless abrupt, especially if you’re doing it for practical reasons like working together, but it may be a difficult effort.
A post-breakup friendship may develop over time, with a strong emphasis on the word “time.” Few ex-partners make a smooth transition into friendship right away (and if you think you have, wait till one of you starts seeing someone new).
Keeping in touch with an ex, especially if you haven’t given yourself enough time to process the breakup, has been related to increased melancholy, jealousy, heartbreak, and even a more difficult time finding a new romantic partner.
If the other person caused the split, erase their phone number from your phone so you don’t feel compelled to contact them. It will help you avoid the dreaded drunk dial and the need to send inappropriate text messages.
Load Up on A Lot of Self Care.
Set aside some time for yourself. When you spend a significant amount of time with someone and then they go, it’s a tremendous change, and change is generally unpleasant.
It is critical that you make extra space for your mental health in addition to learning to love yourself again. While dating, we naturally drift away from numerous interests, and returning to them can be energising. Keep a journal of your uncensored thoughts, pick up an old/new activity, and build some structure into your days so you have something to look forward to and your days aren’t just a void of contemplation.
Doing activities alone, catching up with close friends, meditation, or therapy can bring you delight. As you absorb the breakup and begin the process of getting over them, do what you need to nourish your spirit.
Build a support system
During and after a breakup, it’s natural to want to lean on your friends for support. Avoid allowing embarrassment or worry to prevent you from doing so.
Create an emotional support system consisting of trustworthy family, friends, or professionals. People who effectively hold space for you, share their own stories, and support what you’re going through can serve as pillars.
They may not be startled to hear the news, depending on the facts of your situation—for example, if the breakup was expected and if you’ve been keeping up with your pals at a usual level during your relationship. Hopefully, they’ll jump into action and make you feel better in ways that only those who truly understand you can.
Know When To Move On
While you’re going through it, you can find yourself at peace with the breakup one day, and then want to get them back at any costs the next. Remember that there is no set period of time for getting over someone. It depends on each individual, their role in the split, and the amount of self-work they’ve done. So don’t criticise yourself if you’ve been through something for a long time and are still going through it. That’s perfectly OK! It’s all part of the process of recovery. However, there is a catch.
While it is necessary to sit, cry, and express your emotions, expressing your emotions is not the same as wallowing. Naturally, you forget about the pleasant memories that bind you to that individual with time. You just lose interest in them since you are preoccupied with other activities and meeting new people. That person is no longer a part of your life. However, if your processing becomes a hindrance to your normal functioning over time, I would strongly advise you to get treatment from a therapist.
Protect your heart with a social media purge.
Social media can be sheer poison for the brokenhearted, whether you’re looking through old images of happier times or refreshing your ex’s profile to dissect every change. Although it may be briefly satisfying to satiate your curiosity about what they’re up to, it’s not a long-term solution. Trying to figure out whether or not your ex is happy when he or she uploads a brunch photo will only make you feel horrible about yourself.
Unfollowing your ex on social media is not unkind. If you’re concerned about your mental health, feel free to block them. However, you’ll still need the willpower to avoid looking at their profile.
You might have to limit the way you use Facebook and Instagram. Please flee from TikTok because even if you are not stalking your ex on the platform, the sheer amount of couples content on the platform is enough to make a single person (who is not even heartbroken) jealous and sad. Talk less of someone going through a rough breakup.
Make a breakup playlist.
The breakup mix is an important element of your post-parting toolset because music has such a significant effect on emotions. Let the breakup playlist be your constant whether you’re driving to work or rage-cleaning your apartment and you’re lost in a churning sea of feelings.
What should you put in your mix? That’s a deeply personal statement. According to a 2016 study, some people find comfort in melancholy music, while others find it makes them feel worse. If you’ve found that dark music helps you relax in the past, go for it. Otherwise, you’ll want to put Adele’s record down as soon as possible.
Consider energetic talk-to-the-hand jams that make you feel, to paraphrase Lizzo, “Good As Hell.” Olivia Rodrigo’s entire “Sour” album is chuck full of wonderful breakup songs. However you choose to curate your breakup playlist, make it something that comforts you when emotional seas start stirring.
The bottom line.
It’s critical to go through the anguish of letting go of your ex, no matter how difficult it is right now, so you can close the chapter and move on to the next page with a sense of fulfilment. Even if you are no longer together, you may honour the connection by sincerely wishing them well on their separate paths and forging forth on your own.
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